My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
