I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
