Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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