Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
