i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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