I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
