Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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