Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
