you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
