Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
