One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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