ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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