The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
