I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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