I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
FUCK WHALES
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
