I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
