so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just invented taco cereal.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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