we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
