Sry I called you an 8
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
