our cab driver is having phone sex.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
