He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They have beer where we have blood.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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