I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I checked into jail on foursquare
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
