my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
