I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
