I cut my penus on the lid.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
