The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
