i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Shame - the story of my life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
