If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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