i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
