omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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