You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
