I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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