just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
