I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
