All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
