I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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