Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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