scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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