someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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