I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
