After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
