i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You need Xanax blowdarts
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
