the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
