no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
