capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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