Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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