is your mom at the bar?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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