Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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