I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
