god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
